Single Motherhood, Part 1

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My journey into single motherhood. Continue reading



Wowie zowie.

I always say I am going to be better at updating this and then I never do it. Let’s try again, shall we?

Today is January 9, 2019. Damn. How did we get here? 2019?? Time goes by too fast. You know the saying “the days are long, but the years are short”? Well, I don’t even feel like my days are long. Everything is just short!

To give a SUPER quick catch up.. My life looks like this these days..

7:00 AM – Wake up and get ready.
7:30 AM – Wake Karsyn up to get ready.
7:50 AM – Wake Kamryn up, finish packing her diaper bag, strap her in the car seat and wait for my mom to come get her.
7:55 AM – Take Karsyn to school and go to work.
9:00 AM – Pump. (TMI?)
10:00 AM – Daily walk talk. Follow me on IG to hear my every day talks! 🙂
11:30 AM – Pump.
12:30 PM – Eat lunch. Or not. Just depends on the day.
2:00 PM – Pump.
4:00 PM – Get off work; go get the kids.
4:30 PM – Get home, take out the old stuff from the diaper bag, put in new. Do homework with Karsyn. He does his chore, cleans his room and feeds the dogs.
5:00 PM – Nurse Kamryn and hold her for a while so she can sleep.
6:00 PM – Get up and clean a bit. Think about what to eat.
7:00 PM – Eat and get the kids ready for bed.
8:30 PM – Get the kids to bed and go to bed myself.
10:00ish PM – Husband usually come to bed.

Then we wake up and do it all over again.

Monday’s and Thursday’s Karsyn goes to jiu-jitsu. He absolutely loves that! He’s got his white belt. Starting today, on Wednesday’s he will have basketball. He is SO excited to start. Every other weekend, the kids and I drop Karsyn off on Friday and pick him up on Sunday. That’s basically it.

Beach Bridal Shower Gift

**I started this post three or four years ago and never finished it. Hahahahaha. So here you are.. Four years later.

One of my good friends is getting married! She is going to California for a week for her honeymoon, so I wanted my bridal shower gift to be something outside of the box. Aside from the normal dishes, decor, etc. When she told me what she was doing for the honeymoon, I had the perfect gift idea! I thought to myself, “What would I need if I were going to the beach?” And from there my gifts stemmed.

Items that came to mind were: towels, sunscreen, swim suit cover, drinks. So that’s what I got them! I found the gift bag first and it was colorful. I am weird and I like things to match, so I used the colors on the bag to find the right items. I went with pink for her and orange for him. I got Candice a pink beach towel, a pink Mason jar tumbler, a pink swim suit cover, and pink juice packets. I got the same thing for Colton, except orange.. And no swim suit cover haha!

I knew I wanted the swim suit cover to say “Bride” on it, so I began searching. I found one that was really cute, ordered it, but it still hadn’t even shipped by the day of the shower! AAAAHHHH! So I cancelled that order and found another one that was cheaper and cuter from MaggiePenDesigns on Etsy. She responded to my questions quickly and made it the same day I ordered and shipped it the very next. So I still didn’t have it in time for the shower {that’s why it’s not in the pictures}, but I just wrote her a little “IOU” on the card! She was so happy when it came. She said she really wanted one and she loved the one that I got her. Maggie even had it all wrapped up, so I didn’t have to do anything.


{If you click the picture, it will take you right to the listing. You’re welcome.}

Other things you could use:

*Beach bag – put everything inside of it, instead of a gift bag
*Flip flops

She loved the gift. I love giving thoughtful and personalized gifts.

What do you love to give?


Loving Someone with Depression: What It’s Like For the One You Love

Falling in love is great. Especially if it’s with someone great! First you go through the honeymoon phase where everything is just so awesome and nothing stands in your way. Unfortunately, a couple doesn’t always stay in that fun little phase. As time goes on, you really start to learn more about the person you are in a relationship with. You learn what makes them tick. What makes them happy. What makes them sad. What makes them mad. What they love. What they hate. You learn their routine. You learn their mannerisms. You can tell when something is wrong. When they’re not quite themselves.

Everyone has their bad/sad days. You can’t deny it. We’ve all been there. Even “normal” people get them… Some more than others. But nonetheless, this is something we all experience.

Loving Someone with Depression

When you have depression and/or anxiety (side note here: they are not the same thing! They share similarities, but are entirely different things. You can have one or the other or both. Just because you suffer from depression, doesn’t mean you suffer from anxiety and visa versa.), you never really know when you’re bad days are going to hit. Everyone says “it’s a choice to be happy” and yes, for the most part it is. But sometimes it’s not. Sometimes you just fall into a deep, dark hole and there is no ladder to help you climb out. For me personally, I can be so happy all day and with the flip of a switch be so sad and start sobbing. This doesn’t happen often, but it does happen. It’s hard to explain, it really is.

In the 5th grade, I was diagnosed with depression. #embarrassing. I had a lot of things going on in my life at the time. My mom was in a lot of trouble for doing drugs. My dad and other mom just had a baby, so I was no longer an only child. And let me tell you something: being an only child for 11 years and then having another baby come in the picture is hard! I wasn’t the priority anymore – literally felt like I didn’t even matter and that the world would have been a better place without me. I couldn’t understand how my parents could love me so much one day and then not the next. The next 12 years of my life were difficult. Don’t get me wrong. I had lots and lots of good times, days, months in between there. I had some great experiences. Met some awesome people. But there was a lot that went on. A lot of times when I just felt like I could leave and no one would miss me. A lot of lonely nights. Hate riddled my bones.

Once I hit 22, I could finally see the light. Things were starting to fall into place. I landed a full-time job with benefits. I bought a house on my own – something that I had worked very hard for. I bought a new car. I met an amazing guy that I now love with all of my heart.

{Another side note: I just want to say realllll quick that I am in NO way what-so-ever trying to make excuses, I am just trying to shed some light and say how I feel. I am not speaking for everyone because we are all different, but if you can relate and I can help you, then my job here is done.}

I recently had a bad few days, so I decided to write about it. Writing is so therapeutic! I am in a “new” relationship – been almost 10 months now, so we are definitely passed the honeymoon phase. We get along great, for the most part. We laugh a lot. A LOT. We fight. We love. We cry…

So let me just back up a little here – and I’m sorry that I’m rambling. I promise I’ll get to the point. I feel like I am at a pretty good point in my life. I don’t have bad/sad days nearly as often as I used to. I’ve learned to deal with it, how to hide it and just pretend that I’m fine. I know that not everyone knows how to handle it, so I try to save my weak moments for myself when I can cry in the shower or after everyone’s gone to bed.  Let me give you a scenario… On Monday, I was having a normal day. Get off work, pick up my child (who did not stop whining from the second I picked him up until the second he fell asleep),  have to go to the store for food – boo!, come home from the store and I was so damn annoyed. I was on edge. I was irritated. Everything was pissing me right the hell off! My sweet boy was driving my absolutely insane. I finally ended up kicking his butt and putting him in his room – mother of the year over here! I cooked breakfast for dinner. Still was annoyed, but trying to come out of it. By the time I went to bed, I was alright. Tuesday I was just so anxious. Something was bugging me, but I couldn’t pin point it. And to be honest, I didn’t want to figure out what it was. It takes to much time to figure it out. So I settled with “I don’t know what’s wrong.” It’s just easier that way. Even if you do know why, it’s hard to put it in words. It’s hard to say it in a way that someone on the outside might understand. I expressed how I felt like crying. When I was asked why, “I don’t know” was all I could say. Sometimes you just REALLY don’t know what’s wrong. You’re just off. Wednesday was another normal day, but by the middle of the day, I started to get a headache and started to feel.. not good. By the time I went to bed, my head was pounding and I just felt worse. Sometimes it’s too much too deal with. Sometimes it’s hard to be strong all the time and put up a front. So I rolled over and started to cry. I tried real hard to be quiet, but your nose starts to run, so your sniffing a lot and your body kinda shakes as you let it out and breathe. So then it was apparent that I was crying. I was asked why I was crying several times and I didn’t answer. I said “nothing.” “What’s wrong?” a few more times. Finally I said “I don’t feel good.” That answer wasn’t good enough and I was left to sleep alone. So what do I do? Cry even harder because my truthful answer wasn’t enough. I felt worthless. Unlovable. Loser status. By saying “I don’t feel good” doesn’t always mean my belly hurts or my head. It can mean that I literally don’t feel good. I mentally do not feel good. My heart hearts. I am sad. I am mad. I don’t know why. I just don’t. I tried to sleep with my sweet sweet baby, but his bed is just too small for the two of us and I didn’t want to wake him because I was tossing and turning, flopping him all over his twin size bed. Besides, he already gets me more than he should. Poor kid. If I cry in front of him, he will immediately start to cry and hold me and tell me everything is okay and hug me tight. He’s been that way for as long as I can remember. I guess that’s what I was searching for, but it wasn’t fair of me to try and put a four-year-old in that position. I didn’t want to be alone. I just wanted someone to hug me tight. You don’t have to tell me that it’s going to be okay because I know “this too shall pass.” I’ll get through it. I always do.

I can totally understand that “I don’t know” is an extremely annoying answer. I get it. I don’t like to be told that. I genuinely what to know what is wrong when I ask someone. I need to take my own advice sometimes when I say that “I don’t know” is sometimes a good enough answer. In a situation where the person (me, in this case) is so sad for whatever unknown reason, we don’t want to be alone, even if it seems like we do. Please don’t leave us alone. For some people, that just proves that all people do when times get tough is leave. It’s nice to know that someone truly cares and can accept your “I don’t know” and love you through it instead of being frustrated.


Almost three years ago, I walked away from everything I had ever known. I needed a blank slate. I needed to start over. I wanted to be happy. My son did not deserve to have an unhappy family. It was hands down THE hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I didn’t have a job. I didn’t know how I was going to do it on my own. I just knew I couldn’t live like that anymore. It wasn’t a healthy lifestyle for any of us. A while after I had left, I received this picture with the words “I wish I would have realized this sooner. I wish I would have believed you when you said I don’t know. I wish I would have understood then what I do now.” I think I replied with “me too.” By that time, it was too late. My wounds had finally started to heal. I had to find this picture again and share it because there is so much truth to it. Here’s a few more that I’ve found that are good..


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Please know that it takes courage to write these kind of things and I have been fighting with myself on whether or not I should really post this. A million thoughts rush through my mind. It isn’t my intention at all to hurt anyone’s feelings or to make anyone mad. I am not looking for sympathy in any shape or form. I am just writing this so you can possibly get a glimpse inside of what goes on in my mind.

Other good reads on this subject:
13 Things To Remember When You Love A Person Who Has Depression
20 Things to Remember If You Love A Person With Depression
When Someone You Love Has Depression



Pink, Black, White and Gold Office/Craft Room Inspiration

My last room that I really have planned out is my Jourdan’s Jewels office/craft room. The whole gold trend is finally starting to grow on me.. Only a year or so later, but nonetheless! I am way excited for this room, too, because I get to be as girly as it gets in this room!!

Pink, Gold, Black Office

My colors are black, white, pink, gold and silver in this room.


Loving the white shelves with the glitter initial, the jar of shredded gold paper and that lip print!!!!


How’s this for lovely?! Gold glitter switch plate/outlet covers?? YES, PLEASE!

84778ce8f0507b2bbf86bc3bf59d4430I love arrows!! And don’t forget to check out the rest of her shop. She has TONS of prints that are to.die.for.

4cf2803b005599747a45a896054e27cfI bought this print on my shopping spree! I really wanted one of the ceramic deer heads….


but I couldn’t find one, so I settled for this.


How fabulous are these curtains?!!

il_570xN.581089108_tee6I love everything about this! I planned on doing at least one wall hot pink. I just love all the colors together and the gallery part of it.


I also bought this print. It fits perfectly because I do LOVE my business and to craft.

1004027_1Another print for the gallery wall..

118232_1And another perfect addition to my gallery wall!


I have it all planned out in my head. But here are just a few things I love.

If you have some suggestions – like your favorite pins or even your own blog post or pictures, I’d love to see them!

Be sure to check out my kitchen, living roombedroomKarsyn’s baseball bedroom and my bathroom inspiration posts!

Grey and Purple Bathroom Inspiration

My bathroom has been the hardest room for me. I just didn’t know how I wanted to do it. There are lots of cute bathrooms on Pinterest – a few that caught my eye, but none that I absolutely loved! So I started looking for a shower curtain that I loved and then I would decorate around that. The one that I chose is one that I’ve seen floating around and I have always loved it, so I knew it was the right choice. And I got it for a smokin’ deal! I ordered it immediately.

I present to you… Sinatra Silver shower curtain!

So after much thought, I decided I will do a peacock color scheme in there! I think it will look great… If I could just find some decorations and things to match! I was originally wanting to do this color scheme in my living room, but I thought the red would be better since I had red in the kitchen.


6c77d59302789332d6a364336a893917I love the half-and-half colored walls! And that purple color is fabulous! And that old tub!!!!


Loving those pretty turquoise towels against the purple wall.

4bb4d156dbd77743aff7196c70271813I thought this purple tile was pretty fun!


I love peek-a-boo drawers! And the jewel drawer pulls!


There is no direct link to this, but I think they just did a gloss to the stencil part of it. Love that!!

c96c4532a0282953aa864aa073989a64 (1)Up next is my Jourdan’s Jewels/craft room!
Be sure to check out my kitchen, living roombedroom and Karsyn’s baseball bedroom inspiration posts!


Living Room Inspiration

I plan on having grey walls throughout the entire house, with an accent wall in each room. In my living room, the accent wall is red. I love red.

Living Room Inspiration

And plus, you can see into the living room from the kitchen and since I am doing red in my kitchen, I thought it would “flow” perfectly. Hoping it looks a little something like this.


I just went up north last weekend and bought a couch. RC Willey was having a big liquidation sale because they are moving to a bigger location. This is the couch I bought..


It is a lot darker than pictured. It’s more of a charcoal color. My walls will be about the color of the couch in the picture. Then I will have a charcoal colored couch. My flooring is grey vinyl that looks like tile and my carpet is grey with some flecks of black and brown. Also, the couch is on sale for the same price online as it was in store, so it didn’t end up being as good of a deal as I thought, but I am still happy about it.

So with the couch, I need some cute accent pillows! Here are a few I have found..

Black and White Striped Bow


Red Flowers

Black and White Geometric

And my most favorite one!! The Pet Definition Pillow. I am definitely going to get this one for our little Daizee girl that we got for Christmas!


I am obsessing over this red mirror. I need to find me one!


And of course every room needs some cute picture frames.. (Click picture for details!)


982272_1I love these curtains for the window.

il_570xN.686030519_b2cdI plan on getting a 50-60″ TV and my TV stand is black. I’d like to find a little entry way table and an end table as well, so that I can put my lamps on them.

Up next is my room!


Check out my kitchen inspiration.

Kitchen Inspiration

I have all of the rooms planned out in my head. I owe a big thanks to Pinterest for helping me out a LOT! I plan on doing my kitchen red, yellow and blue.

Red, yellow and blue Kitchen Inspiration. Perfect for the vintage/retro look. | Two Million Miles

My cabinets are going to be a white knotty wood (!!!!) with metallic black counter tops. They should look something like this..

White Knotty Wood Cabinets | Two Million Miles

In the corner of the dining area, there is a built-in hutch. SWOON! When we were looking at the house, my dad asked me what I wanted to do with it (like suggesting that I knock it out). “Leave it there! I love it!” We aren’t doing anything besides paint that bad boy. I plan on doing my kitchen walls blue and I will paint the hutch red. I found these adorable vintage suitcases and I thought they would be so cute somewhere in my kitchen, but I just don’t know where. I don’t think there would be enough room on the hutch for them. Maybe above the cabinets, if there is room?

Red, Yellow and Blue Vintage suitcases! | Two Million Miles

Can we just talk about the vintage yellow clock for a second?! If I don’t end up using it in my kitchen, it’s definitely going in my room!

I don’t have a lot of wall space, but these prints are too cute! Plus, you can customize them to your own colors, so I’d take the charcoal out and replace it with yellow.

Super cute kitchen printables. You can even customize the colors to match your kitchen. | Two Million Miles

I can’t find the original source for this one, but there are a lot of things I love about this picture. One: the red EAT letters in the background! They would look so cute on my hutch, but in a different color. Two: the red table! I bought a tall white table off of one of the Facebook yard sale groups for $20. It has four stools. The table top is a little warped from them having it outside while they were trying to sell it, so I’ve planned on sanding it down and just repainting it white, but I might actually do red! Three: the candle stick chandelier! There is one in my front room, but it’s the terrible gold one. This makes me want to repaint it and hang it above my table!

LOVE the red EAT and the red table. Also, how cute is that candle light chandelier? | Two Million MilesI probably won’t add too many red decorations to my red hutch, but I love the vintage dishes on this one!

Loving the red, blue and white vintage dishes on this hutch. | Two Million MilesBut then I see this picture and it makes me want to paint the chairs instead. Decisions, decisions! (P.S. I love Bower Power blog. You should follow it.)

Light blue walls with red kitchen chairs. | Two Million MilesThis listing is no longer available, but these wall vases would so easy to make and then you could paint them whatever color you wanted. But I just love this color combo!

Red, blue and yellow mini vases. Would be so easy to make with some scrap wood and you could change the colors, too. | Two Million MilesHow cute is this?! You wouldn’t even need to use fabric, if you didn’t want to – just patterned paper. You can buy the frames and silverware at the Dollar Store. Cute, cheap and easy DIY project!

Super easy DIY! Just get some silverware at the Dollar Store or use some old ones, spray them and a frame and then add some patterned paper to the back. Glue the silverware on. | Two Million Miles

This is such a cute idea! Would be so easy to make and you can paint the blocks to match your kitchen. Check this article out for lots more silverware decor ideas.

Adorable key holders made out of wood and silverware! So cute! | Two Million Miles

This Exit sign is darling! I plan on getting it the next time I go to Hobby Lobby (aka HEAVEN!).

Exit Way Out Sign. Perfect for a kitchen or a vintage room. | Two Million Miles

I’ll do a post of inspiration for each room and then I will definitely show you the real thing once I get to it!